The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
