Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
