i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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