CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
