hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
