Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
