Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
