Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
