I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
a search helicopter?!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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