not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
