The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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