Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's never too late to be topless.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
