you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
