If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
