One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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