Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
