So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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