I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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