Having a random hookup so left but love u
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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