Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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