What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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