He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
