May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
