we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
