My room smells like vodka and shame
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
