I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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