I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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