There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
