Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The air taste purple.
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