So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
