Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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