peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
