can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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