im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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