Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Randomize
