Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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