I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
