Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
