mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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