i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
