We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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