I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
