Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
