Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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