I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
