What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
