he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
