my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
