According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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