I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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