Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
