apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
