but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
