I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She bit a glass in half.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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