Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
