its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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