i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
